I don't wanna be anywhere else.

My ‘other job’

So I’d say it’s been about a month since I started working for Punktastic, it feels good to be a part of a website where I have a role and where I’m trusted and encouraged to be as creative as I can, writing about music is what I know, it’s one of the only things I’m good at that could see me make a career. This is just the beginning but I’m optimistic.

The Tower and The Fool.

The Tower and The Fool - How Long

Well she might not know it but she wears my heart on her sleeve, and i know this for sure, I’ve got a hole in my chest and the blood stains that run down her street and I can’t deny all the times I’ve tried, tried to get her out of my mind. Boy, I believe you, it’s not easy to do, it’s just going to take some time.

Well how long am I going to feel this way?

Because it’s been almost one year since the last time that I saw her face, that pretty little girl with the smile of a sheep and the style of a wolf with drawn fangs and once in a while i still walk down the road, down the street where we had lived, I bet you’re hoping to see her and not really meet her and thinking to yourself;

Well how long am i gonna feel this way? Well how long ‘til something washes this away?

Because each day I’m still burning in water, still drowning in flame and at night when I sleep, her ghost crawls in my sheets I hear her voice calling out my name. Man, I’m not gonna lie, I’ve fought and I’ve tried so hard to push it away, boy I see right through you, you loved her you still do, only time will heal your pain.

Well how long am i gonna feel this way? Well how long ‘til something washes her away?

Because she wears me down man, she wears me out, like the knees in my blue jeans and I can only patch them up so many times with Whiskey before it starts killing me.

Yeah she wears me down man, she wears me thin like the threads in that old dress, like the one I got for her out in Albuquerque when I was heading home from the West Coast

Well she might not know it but she wears my heart on her sleeve ‘cause i stitched it on tight, that day in November, the last day that she would see me.

I can’t wait for you all to hear this album, it’s fucking stunning, the above lyrics and song have just smacked me around the head about a million times.

Music

I still tend to over simplify certain situations like the time, the time she told me that she fucked him and I thought I can’t believe this, did she not know that I loved her? I’m gonna smash this bitches face in and find the cunt and stab the fucker, yeah someone’s gonna die for this tonight…

..but you know that it’s not right to punish her when you couldn’t ever say that you never did play your part, you never did shit that you shouldn’t, that you never did things that you said that you wouldn’t, you never said shit that you wish you hadn’t now.

Yeah.

2011, a good year for music type lists.

Inspired by Faye, I figured, why not.

2011 has been an absolutely massive year, absolutely bloody massive, I’ve been to so many shows, have met so many good people, a few of which have become close friends, as far as years go, this one has been quite good.

Top 5 gigs.

1) Promise of Redemption, Rob Lynch, Jimmy Holland, Triangle Shirt Factory The Purple Turtle - London

This show was as near perfect as it could possibly have been, after months of trying to make it happen, and all roads being shut in our faces, it was left up to the completely brilliant Rob Lynch to do it, and I’ll be forever grateful to him for that, because getting to hear some of my favourite album live, surrounded by the best people is a moment I’ll never forget.

2) Fireworks, Make Do and Mend, Save Your Breath. Clwb Ifor Bach - Cardiff

I had to choose this over the Kingston show really for the simple reason that I’ve never seen a Cardiff crowd act like this at a show before and it was brilliant, everyone was respectful to each other and each band playing, made me proud.

3) Make Do and Mend - Hevy Festival, Kent.

Easily my favourite festival set of 2011 (including Muse at Reading) each time I’ve seen MDAM the crowds had been small with little to no atmosphere, but at Hevy Festival the tent was full, I was in the spot surrounded by the best people (again) where we all lost our absolute fucking minds.
END MEASURED MILE will always make me smile.

4) Such Gold, Koji - The Fighting Cocks, Kingston

Back at the start of the year this one, it was my first Kingston show, I drove up not really knowing people that well, but everyone who was there were absolutely brilliant and made me feel welcome, and I’ve not looked back since, Koji was an absolute inspiration and Such Gold were incredible.

5) I Am The Avalanche, Hostage Calm, Apologies, I have none - Camden Barfly, London

Bit of a late entry this, I went in not knowing what to expect, I was a fan of the IATA album but I never expected them to be this good, they were absolutely flawless, the overly loud sound suited them completely and despite the worlds brightest lights burning my corneas out it all added to the atmosphere, it was great.

My Top 10 Albums;

1 Save Your Breath - Vices

While I always thought that Save Your Breath were a good, British pop punk band, I never thought they had it in them to write a consistently good album. I was wrong. ‘vices’ is honestly one of, if not THE best debut album from a UK band in an awfully long time, Save Your Breath, take a bow.

2 Touché Amore - Parting the Sea Between Brightness and Me
 
3 Fireworks – Gospel
 
4 Junior Battles – Idol Ages
 
5 Living With Lions – Holy Shit
 
6 Cuba Cuba – Where Else is Safe but the road
 
7 A Loss for Words – No Sanctuary
 
8 Red City Radio – The Dangers of Standing Still
 
9 Hellogoodbye – Would It Kill You
 
10 The Living Daylights – What Keeps You Breathing

My Top 5 EP’s

1         Mae – Evening

Acting as Mae’s swansong, it’s almost as if this EP is the soundtrack for the band being put to sleep, each note is played and sung with such emotion it’s hard not to feel moved and Sleep Well is a song truly worthy of providing such a fitting end.

2         Rob Lynch – S/T
 
3         Make Do and Mend – Part and Parcel
 
4         Bright and Early – Getting Through It.

5         The Tower and The Fool - XIII

Now head towards the light, the dark has no place here

lyrics are some of the most important things in and around my life, it’s not just about writing something witty or clever, it’s about writing something that’ll make sense, even if it’s to just one person, you’ll know you’ve written something that will have made a slight difference in that persons outlook, no matter how small that difference is.

I’m losing too much sleep these days.
Some say that my life ain’t safe.
I guess I’m trying to find the words,
to say that maybe I’m tired.
I’ve been drinking way too much these days.
I can’t even remember my face,
until I wake up in another state, in a town unexpected.

And see myself as I’m changing shape,
unlike a coward who changes face.
I’m turning myself in today.
I gotta finish what I start.

Give me the chance to speak my mind,
my opinions are the social kind.
If it’s you for you and I for I,
then one of us is gonna leave here blind.
You know I won’t give up without a fight,
even if I’m the one who’s wrong and you’re who’s right.

It’s not right to be brought down by words from an unknown mouth.
They think they’ve figured me out, but they don’t even know me.
This has taken a turn for the worst,
as fate showed up in a blacked out hearse,
ready to carry my soul away and bury my body.

So if you checked the weather report,
then why the fuck are we driving north?
You know we’re headed into the storm to finish what we started.

This is a song by a band called Valencia, I’ve mentioned them a couple of times to a couple of friends, they really are something of a favourite at the moment, their new album is up there in my top three of the year so far, definitely worth a listen if you have a spare 40 minutes.

I don’t know why I’ve chosen these lyrics to outline my point, but I guess they do that just perfectly, they make so much sense to me at the moment, and I guess I’m just glad I’ve got something to relate to when I’m feeling a bit down or confused.

Not only lyrics, but music is a massively important tool, not many people know, but I guess 12 or so are about to know that over the past year, I slipped into a state of mild depression and severe Anxiety, it all came to a head in July of this year when I got so bad I recognised the fact that I needed help, and fast. I got this help and it’s slowly but surely turning my life around.

One of the only things that got me through this period was music, in particular a series of five songs that I learnt on guitar, and would focus everything on getting them right, and just singing along to them as loud as I could and to the best of my ability.

There’s also one other song that I still listen to regularly, it’s a great car song for just singing to it on the way home from work on the dual carriageway.

I can’t stand to think about
A heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my God I gave my best
But for three whole years to end like this

Well do you want to fall apart
I can’t stop if you cant start
Do you want to fall apart
I could if you can try to fix what I’ve undone
Cause I hate what I’ve become

You know me,
Oh you think you do you, you just dont seem to see
I’ve been waiting all this time to be
Something I can’t define so let’s
Cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
Yeah something
I’ve just got to get myself over me

I could stand to do without
All the people I have left behind
Whats the point in going around
When it’s a straight line baby, a straight line down

So lets make a list of who we need
And its not much, if anything
Lets make a list of who we need
And we’ll throw it away cause we dont need anyone
No we dont need anyone

You loved it when my heart dropped, you paused, stopped, and walked away
Full of content that it went your way

These cuts that I’ve caused are never too deep to heal
Peel back the bandage, see a scar from countless careless things

And feel yourself drifting, pulled away

Well nothing feels real anymore
I’m not taking my time anymore
To show you how I feel
To show you who I am
Cause it’s locked away

We all need to find our way
Cut the loss, just walk away

Now head towards the light, the dark has no place here

I don’t feel real, I don’t feel real
This pain is beating.
I don’t feel real, I don’t feel real

Well nothing feels real anymore
I’m not taking my time anymore

Now head towards the light, the dark has no place here

The things we think about at night never lose taste
Now, take the close to find something greater
This wall has finally reached it’s end
It’s higher ground, lets make a stand
Did you ever think we would get this high?
Pull back the sheets to find the ending that you prayed for.

Now head towards the light, the dark has no place here

“Now head towards the light, the dark has no place here” that line alone is just so fucking powerful.

I used to be a person that was approachable, someone who anyone could go to for advice or a chat, I lost that. but I’m getting that back, I’m slowly becoming the person I was, I can finally say with honesty that I’m on my way back to being happy again, and that is the best 21st birthday present I could ever ask for.